Its all just a bad dream…

Tues -   4/13/10       8:42  p.m.

                                  

                            

                                 “….just sayin it’s all in ur head..he hasn’t changed.

                                                     How do you know?

                                                                          it’s a guy thing…”

 

Life sucks. it absolutly sucks. One of my good friends that likes about 6 guys, asks the only guy i like to prom. My sister bailed on me to hang out with some freakin ass that just screws up best friends. Things that once made me happy just depresses me anymore. I always feel weak, and im starting to realize people arent what they seem. ever. Even im fake. I claim to be in tatu club, but yet i am starting to crave cigarettes. Dark depressing music is starting to become frequently listened too. i feel like im always forcing back tears. i’ve started to think about old habbits, that others say i should be. Im fat. i  want to stop eating.  and once i get stronger i hope to make it a goal. im constantly forced to put on a mask for my friends. They have no idea how i feel and i dont plan them to find out. they always see me as this short happy freak thats loves colorful things and peace. they freak out whenever im slightly depressed. which i guess if i stay this way much longer then they should. heres the only place i can truly let out my emotions. well here and my car, but that could be somewhat dangerous. i want to change. but i cant. ive tryed, but it doesnt work. maybe i just need to get away. just disapear and see if anyone notices. i tryed posting a blog a few months ago. 2 months excatly from the other. but it didnt work, computer screwed up and i didnt intent on writing the same thing over again. it was a little bit more cheerier just to let you know. course its not like anyone ever reads theses anyways. i mainly just write them to look back on my junior year of highschool. if anyone reads theses message me. i’ll love you if you do = ] anyways i surpose ill go, i have nothing really to do but i have nothing really to write about. any questions feel free to ask. peace.

p.s. im going to see 30stm in 12 days!

Im Back!…..maybe.

Mon-      1/18/10   10:27  a.m.

 

                                         ” why dont people say i love you enough?”

 

 Happy MLK day! sorry i havent wrote in a while, theres really no exscue except for i simply suck at updating this. I’ll try to get better but dont count on it. anyways i guess i should fill you in on whats happend in the last 2 months. so we had the play, and it was amazing. i passed my eoc. school was replaced with Christmas and the New year. we had like 6 inches of snow for weeks. during that time me and my friend Courtney decided our stupidity should be recorded. so we have created CAT videos and as soon as we get them finished we will become youtube stars. =] oookay so that only happens to justin beiber and Fred but hey its fun to think about. anyways back to reality. school has started back for the new year which means all new classes. there okay i guess but last year was so much cooler. on top of classes ive been my usual self – which means boy crazy. ive had 2 boysfriend, but they didnt work out. the first one was more like a friend and then second one… okay well im still dating him but not for long. i know it saids bitchish but i like to date people that acturally like to talk to me and hang out. not to mention at least remeber my birthday instead of just talking about his which isnt even close. btw i had a b-day yesterday. 17 whoa whoa! enough venting and reminising. Its a new year and a chance to do-over all thoses moments that you wonder what would happen if you made the other decison. its a chance to make a change and to stick to your new years resolution. for me, i vowed to be different.  not to change everything about me but the little things that i cant stand about me. im not excatly sure how im going to but im going to. anyways i guess thats pretty much all thats happened in my life recently. im not sure when im going to be back on here but ill try to make sure i get on sooner than 2 months. sooo peace!

 

——–> : D

Thurs-    11/05/09      8:29 p.m.

                            in the words of  Kayla

                                               “ YAH SNAIL!!!!! “

 

                                           Okay so let me try to sum up my life lately. Did the play, it went awesome except for the fact that i abosultly hated my coustume. i mean whos ever heard of a cow costume that has a starwberry stamped apron? besides the ” awesome costume that i loved so much” i fell in love love love with the mexican jumping beans! lol, i guess the ppl didnt like it to much but i kinda got a giant circle playing rock paper sissors. Who knew that little kids liked that game so much? annnnyways i became a adopted mexican bean from that day : ) to bad it was the last day of the play… So after the play life was pretty much same oh same oh. Well until last weekend that is. Of course life can’t be normal with halloween around the corner! for halloween i had this bat/vampire/dark fairy costume thing. I abosultly adore that outfit! i dont care if i didnt know what i was i LOVE it! anyways so for halloween night we went to allisons house for a party, it was pretty fun but a lot different than i though it would be. I had fun though. Soooo the day after halloween on the 1st of Novemeber, I, Tiffany L. Rash am proud to say i got baptized. The water was only 20% outside, but i guess if your ready then nothing can stop you. I am proud to be closer to my Lord and am one step closer to being with him forever. I know that i am never going to be a perfect Christain though, but i gratfully that he is always forgiving of all my sins. I love you god! since the day i went under the water, theres been nothing but drama in my theater class. Ironically theres usually not much drama in my drama class, but for some reason theres been nothing but that. It depresses me to say that my onces loved class has lost all the fun of theatre. But something good always comes from something bad. Thats were tonight comes in. me, molly, kendra, and kayla went to vent today at good ole days for some supercow! : D of course icecream didnt get out all our frustration so later we went to lo Arcoiris for some foodadge. i swear today has been on of the funnest days i have in a long time thoses girls are hilarous!  Kendra couldnt make it though. Soooooooooooooooo i guess that pretty much briefly sums up how my lifes been for the past couple of weeks. Not that much excitment huh? lol sorry im still waiting for that wild adventure on the top of my to-do before i die list, when i get it i’ll let cha know. anyways for now, im going to bed. ya! another day of theatre crap! ( hint the sarcasm) night.

p.s. this saturday im going to see wolfs! yes real ones! hehe i get to feed them too!!! and no, no matter how small i maybe the wolfs are NOT going to eat me…i hope at least.

 

 

I try so hard, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.

FRI- 10/23/09  1:13p.m.

                                  “moo”

LOVE   linkin park. Annnyways sorry yet again for not writing much, this weeks been very busy. Im in 3rd right now, just finished typing my “i hear my school singing” poem so i though i wud get on here. Oh btw theres a reason behind that “moo” up there. IM IN A PLAY! well more than one… this one is by misulas( not spelt right i know) its Jack and the beanstalk! guess what part i got. Give up? …… the cow. Surprisingly i really like my role, they said they picked me because i showed a lot of facial expressions and emotions. I guess thats a complement, i still felt kinda fat though. Anyways weve had rehersal all day this week from 3:30 to 8, so my schds been kinda full. Only for this week though, the plays tomorrow! Ugh tomorrows gonna be a very hectic day- help dad move ( oh btw hes moving his store), do the play, help dad move some more, do the play again, watch the kids, and the FINALLY some me time. pretty busy day huh? anyways at least i know i won’t be bored… Welp class is about over so i better go, write later…maybe. PEACE!

 

oooooooooooo witchy

Sat- 10/17/09             7:33 p.m.

 

                                                              ” guys are like elephants,

                                                                 they go crazy for nuts!”

                                                                                              ~ mr. greene

 

sorry i havent written in a while, its been a very long week. Im not sure if i can recapture it all, but ill do what i can. Well on monday we didnt have school, so molly came over for another “movie” day. or at least thats what we had originally planed. What we really did was hang out at my house, went to the library, went on a search for a waterfall, watched the Covenant and thats pretty much it. on our quest to find the claimed to be waterfall, we got lost and started to get freaked out. i guess it doesnt help me screaming that a guy with a chainsaw was going to be standin at the end of the road, and that there was a cemetary there either but still. We ended up callin a frd but they didnt really care. Good Friend huh? anyways we hurry and left to get the movie and soon things turned to normal. Well as normal as you can get with me and molly. Tuesday i was up at App till 9 watchin orcastrey (not spelt right), it was pretty good but i got kinda bored after the first couple of songs. anyways the rest of the week was pretty normal. It wasnt a very good week though because for some reason i got really depressed and it just seems like nothing has been going my way. Yesterday i got stuck with hanging out my cousin, she use to be my best friend but this year weve slowly grown apart. For her birthday we went to saige brush with maria, roger, and westley. It would have been fun if i was in their click but i felt out of place. Truth is i would have much rather gone with my friends to the haunted house in lansing but i had already promised my cus i would go with them. The real thing i enjoyed was singing loudly in the car. I never knew 4 people could do the cha cha in a car (westley was a loser and didnt dance) So yeah that was pretty much my week. Oh yeah, today i went shopping – okay more like mom went shopping and draged me with her- and went to my dads store to pick out paint colors. Hes moving his store to another bigger location. Right now im watchin Saw 2, just watched the 1st one and gettin ready to go on a raid with dad. Yes, i am a girl that plays video games….so what? anyways i guess i better go saws back on and its really interesting. write more sometime, night.

p.s. sorry this entry wasn’t very exciting, i havent been very creative latly.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      toby hemingway ♥

so Cinderella finally went to the ball…

Sat- 10/10/09       10:18 a.m.

   

                                                     ” following that rainbow…”

 

 

 

my week was pretty hectic. it was spirit week so each day you was surpose to dress up. Of course me being the way i am decided to partake in this activity and was one of thoses losers that you see walkin down the hall dressed in their decked out outfit. Monday- Pj day Tuesday- neon( i did neon tacky) day Wednesday- camo day Thursday- blast from the past day( i went with the 50s look, Poodle skirt baby!) Friday- Spirit day. It was pretty fun but i felt pretty stupid walkin down the hallways in my bright green poka-dotted pants. annnnnyways i believe the highlight of my week was friday night. After school i pretty much hung out with friends till the football game. Then i met up with more friends and we basically spent 2 hours walking around in a giant circle. lol me molly courtney and zach each claimed a football player on the other team, mine was number dos ; D later around 10 o’clock we headed inside for the dance. Courtney spent the night with me so we didnt leave till 12. The dance was pretty awesome and i danced the whole time. Lol i ended up teaching at least 6 people some kinda dance move, which is pretty sad cus i dont even think im a good dancer( apperently to them i am) the only bad thing about the dance was that i didnt get to dance with the guy i like( he danced with another girl =[    ) but i did end up dancin with tucker. That poor kid is never going to learn to dance. When the dance finally ended me and courtney when to my house and soon afterwards we chonked out. Pretty good week if you asked me.

 

Back to the past…

Mon- 10/5/09           8:13 p.m.

                                                              ” Love is like the wind,

                                                                    you can’t see it but you can feel it “

 

 My weekend was okay i went to a birthday part/ sleep over friday- it had its ups n downs but mainly was ruined because of a couple of things…enough said. saturday i went to another and that one was surprisingly fun. and i got some awesome cds outta it. later we went shopping and i got some of the cutest  pj bottoms =D Sunday- church, dinner, home. which leaves today. well this weeks spirit week so im currently sittin in my school pjs watchin family guy n iming ppl. i cant wait for tomorrows outfit mines so crazy i LOVE it! annyways back to todays activites, i had school, then home (btw FINALLY got my radio fixed in my car, its been broken for like a month now) and grandparents came up to eat hottdogs. after supper im not sure how we started it but we got out my parents old year books and spent like an hour looking through them. It was hilarous seeing my parents near my age. my mom doesnt look that much different but my dad is tottal different now. lol he looked like a total nerd back then. The most funniest thing about it was that my parents went to different schools and there was the same guy in both their yearbooks. Lol it was even the same picture of the guy and the year books was 3 years apart. Im not sure how that was really possible but its there! anyways after my little trip through the past my grandparents left, and here i am on the computer still watching family guy. I guess i better go to bed, got a big day tomorrow. Write later-night.

 

p.s. I’m not sure how the picture relates to this blog but i like it  = )

Dear Father,

Wed- 9/30/09

                                   ” Dear Friend,

                                          Always remeber the Bible

                                          is your friend. And so am I.

                                          I hope you are living for Jesus.”

                                                                         Jonathan Sperry

Lord first of all lets me say that i wish for your forgiveness for all the sins i continue to do. I know I am not the strongest or loyalisty Christian, but i ask of you to please help me grow in my belief. I know that i continue to prove my disloyalty within my everyday activites. I wish to change that lord and prove to you that i am indeed a servant of you. My only wish is that you could forgive me my lord and help grow into the Christian i hope to one day be able to claime i am. Without you Lord i am nothing, nor will i ever be anything, your help. I want to know that in my heart; the path that i take; you are right there beside me holding my hand. I truely love you my God, with all my heart.

 

I just got back from the movies and im still in tears. me and the rest of the church group went to see The Secrets of Jonathan Sperry and my eyes cant help but water. Every time i think about it i start to tear up again. My friend Kristen told me that i would cry but i didnt expect that much. Its not really sad tears- well some of them are- but more moved tears. You see ive been pretty distant with the lord and this movie helped reopen my eyes to the lords grace. It touched me and everyone in the movie theatre that im pretty sure noone left without red eyes. I definitely believe that this movie has improved my relationship with the Lord tremendously and i heartly recommend this movie to anyone thats in touch with the lord, wanting to get closer to God, or someone that is wanting to find God. I can speak on behalf of the growly apart from God group that this movie will help you find the lord again and hopefully help you encourage another to find the lords grace. The Lord is truley the light at the end of the tunnel and i wish that everyone will cross over and stand before him one day. Goodnight and God Bless you.

a day in the life of tiffany…

Tue-9/29/09        5:25p.m

” can you lose your voice for a day,

for those who will never have one.”

I was helping Lizzie find a pic for abortion when i found that, it really got to me so i decided to put it on here. For those of you that don’t know my view on abortion i deeply disprove it yet i can understand where in some circumstances someone would decide to give up their child. I personaly could never have an abortion, and if worse came to worse i would drether give my child away than to ever have it killed without a chance. Annnnyways away from the wrongs or rights from killing babies, im at ASU right now. Im in one of the classrooms in raliey hall, standin at a professors podeum n typing. I freakin LOVE their screens!!! there bendable n u can write on them n everything! is it possible to be in love with a computer screen? lol i guess thats the question of the day. Soo aside from my new love of computer screens im pretty much stuck here till 8 o’ clock, pretty boring if u ask me. Its not gonna be that bad cus i dared kyle to do a lot of stuff and hes gonna follow through, on the other hand-he also dared me to do stuff. its gonna be…interesting. anyways im gonna go play some cards, write later. PEACE OUT HOMMIE G!

Birthday Madness

Sun- 9/27/09     7:45 p.m.

                                              ” of all of the gin joints in

                                            all the towns in all the world

                                                           she walks into mine.”

okay so i know its sunday night n i didnt get back on thursday but oh well.  So my weekend-awesome/werid/fun/crazy/watery/looong carridish/laughable. 

 For mollys b-day we went to Jonesborough yesterday and got back today. We was going to go on a ghost walk but that changed, instead we did just about everything else. After spending what seemed liked days in a car we finally arrived in Bristal, just to get lost 3 times. It was pretty fun though, after going to the wig shop we went to the mall where me and molly tryed on about every hat in the stores. then we ate at Chilli’s n had my new favorite destert- molten chocolate cake : D i can honestly say that grown ups are sooo much more funnier when there drunk- and molly if sarah fails to give you a kidney you can always take me! annyways after about an hour of that, me and molly danced in the rain n went to a book store. about 9 o’ clock at night we finally arrived at the hotel where we all jumped into the pool. this mornin we hit the pool, a pankcake house, micheals, hardees( for drinks where i made a new frd, he rocks at pizza guitars), the road, then home. on the way home we turned up classic rock n rolled down the windows, turns out im not as oldies clueless as i though i was but im still pretty bad. anyways this week was a bunch of firsts for me.

 

My Firsts:

• seeing a fight at school
• climing a fence
• listening to classical rock for more than one song
• dancing in the rain out in Chilli’s parking lot
• eatting at Chilli’s
• seeing a certain person drunk that i NEVER though i would
• singing/danceing the tango maurne in the pool
• stayin at the americ inn hotel
• going to jonesborough
• going to the briston mall
• braggin about hardees in the bojangles parking lot
• waved to a random dude on the street
• sitting on mollys lap in a car going down the road

annnddd sooo much more

Welp im hittin the sack, write more sometime- night.