Tues - 4/13/10 8:42 p.m.
“….just sayin it’s all in ur head..he hasn’t changed. How do you know? it’s a guy thing…”Life sucks. it absolutly sucks. One of my good friends that likes about 6 guys, asks the only guy i like to prom. My sister bailed on me to hang out with some freakin ass that just screws up best friends. Things that once made me happy just depresses me anymore. I always feel weak, and im starting to realize people arent what they seem. ever. Even im fake. I claim to be in tatu club, but yet i am starting to crave cigarettes. Dark depressing music is starting to become frequently listened too. i feel like im always forcing back tears. i’ve started to think about old habbits, that others say i should be. Im fat. i want to stop eating. and once i get stronger i hope to make it a goal. im constantly forced to put on a mask for my friends. They have no idea how i feel and i dont plan them to find out. they always see me as this short happy freak thats loves colorful things and peace. they freak out whenever im slightly depressed. which i guess if i stay this way much longer then they should. heres the only place i can truly let out my emotions. well here and my car, but that could be somewhat dangerous. i want to change. but i cant. ive tryed, but it doesnt work. maybe i just need to get away. just disapear and see if anyone notices. i tryed posting a blog a few months ago. 2 months excatly from the other. but it didnt work, computer screwed up and i didnt intent on writing the same thing over again. it was a little bit more cheerier just to let you know. course its not like anyone ever reads theses anyways. i mainly just write them to look back on my junior year of highschool. if anyone reads theses message me. i’ll love you if you do = ] anyways i surpose ill go, i have nothing really to do but i have nothing really to write about. any questions feel free to ask. peace.
p.s. im going to see 30stm in 12 days!
